Ideas

‘A well thought-out story doesn’t need to resemble real life. Life itself tries with all its might to resemble a well-crafted story’ – Issac Babel

Shannon Turnbull

The narrative of my performance came at a late stage. I knew what I wanted to say but I found it challenging to just sit there.. and write. I felt forced and I kept worrying about being too superficial and unnatural. I wanted my narrative to come from the heart, not constructed through pressure. Myself and some other Solo Performers met up discussed, helped and supported each others ideas and narratives which helped me immensely. To initiate the construction of my narrative, I gave my audience 3 motifs surrounding my performance: Hope/Aspirations, Letting go and Memories. From this I asked them to ask me questions about my life, what I feel, who I am and what I believe, this would be used to foreground my narrative and start the process of writing as it was to be recorded. Below are things I took from this recording in hope of catching something.

The first question I was asked threw me in at the deep end.. what is your biggest regret? Wow.. I didn’t know how to answer this one. I just sat there thinking silently. It was then when I appreciated silence because everyone was thinking, everyone was thinking different things and I wanted to elongate this a little bit more – strange I know, but this felt like an experiment for me. I answered..

My biggest regret is not something I have physically done, my biggest regret is something that is emotional and sometimes uncontrollable. It’s a part of my personality that sometimes I really don’t want. When something goes wrong or something bad happens, it’s the part of my personality that influences my reaction. I always want to please people and want to be liked.. I have a very up and down personality and this gives me advantages, however various disadvantages! But I feel that I have emotionally matured and that definitely comes with age.

How old do you think you’ll be when you think you’ll be happy?

I feel life is a blessing and ideally I would like to be 100% happy now. When you’re young, you have no responsibilities, you look better physically, you can do what you want. However on a more practical level, life gets better in your 40’s.. you have many life experiences that have taught you well and I think that even though ideally being ‘young’ is seen as better, it’s not until you have grown up that you really begin to understand who you are and what life is.

What was the best moment in your life?

There have been many but I would probably say the day when I saw Eminem live at V Festival in 2011. I was in a moment when I didn’t care what I had done before and I wasn’t thinking about what I was going to do after. I existed in only that moment and it was beautiful.. I was so bloody excited, I couldn’t stop crying the day before!

What was the worst moment in your life?

I don’t know, I don’t know if I could possibly list them all.. one time that sticks with me is, my dad nearly died 3 years ago. I was lied to for my own good and was told that he was in hospital for a routine check-up. I carried on with my life and went bra shopping one day with my mum and sister.. whilst I was in Debenhams, I received a call from my stepmum claiming that if my dad dies, it will be my fault as I’m out not caring. It was at this point I was told the truth, that my dad was seriously unwell and could possibly die. I was upset but understood that as there was nothing I could do about it, both my mum and dad had decided to keep it from me.. however, my step-mum decided to scream abuse and let me know that she was slitting her wrists on the phone whilst having this conversation. I have seen her do it before so I knew she was telling the truth. I didn’t know how to react, all I could think about was finding a bra as I DEFINITELY needed a bigger size! How absurd? I guess you can’t run away from the absurd. Life if absurd. I just kept thinking ‘all I need is my bra, not this!’ It was very surreal and it stayed with me for a long time as when my dad had got better, he didn’t believe me when I told him we had had that conversation. It upset me and I eventually fell out with him! To this day, he doesn’t ever want to discuss it.. 

It seems that in every serious event in your life, you find the positives and there’s always a funny thing that happens to you in the midst of chaos. Is there anything that you can incorporate this absurdity into your performance?

I don’t necessarily want my whole performance to be ‘absurd’ as that term is pretty ambiguous, however I want to use these hilarious moment in my life and drop them in to my narrative. You can spend your whole life regretting things and trying to change the way you react however, sometimes your initial reaction is the most natural reaction. It seems I have nice intentions but I have a mundane facade which I could use to fuel elements in my performance. Referring to life quotes, being negative and nostalgic will create a sad atmosphere however finding the funny parts in the narrative such as my bra mission, bra size, possibly singing one of my favourite songs will juxtapose the negative comments and create a happy and content atmosphere. I need to let go of somethings, so I guess I’m like Spalding Gray and need a cathartic release from some shit that has happened! Some audience members may feel it too, that’s what I like; the fact I won’t know as it’s so personal.

Will you miss Uni?

Wow, how cliché is this going to sound? Haha.. ‘I found myself here’. I literally have had the most amazing three years of my life and I don’t for one second regretting moving away and coming here! I get angry at the LPAC sometimes for the constant essays, deadlines, performances, feeback, DISSERTATION, meetings etc.. that we have to continuously do, but hey that IS what Uni is about! We pay for this so it is in our best interest to go to everything.. definitely sound like my mother, haha! I feel like when I leave Lincoln, I’m going to be leaving a little bit of me behind. I hope some lectures still refer to me, big headed I know but I have really enjoyed my time here. I’m going to miss the stability. I know I need to grow up and move on but when will I know when I am mature enough to move on? I’m going to be a big baby when I bloody leave! I feel like I’ll be leaving the bloody earth.

 

This conversation lasted around 45 minutes and after listening to it back, I wrote down significant things that were said and found a muse to writing my narrative. It will have to be re-worked but I feel that my emotion will dictate some of what I say on the day too. Everything depends on the weather, my audience and my emotions.

‘Keep all special thoughts and memories for lifetimes to come. Share these keepsakes with others to inspire hope and build from the past, which can bridge to the future’ – Mattie Stepanek

Shannon Turnbull

My performance is site specific in which I am performing on a bridge relevant to the subtext of my performance. This bridge is the main University campus bridge and is used every single day by not only students, lecturers and working people of the University, but also locals of Lincoln travelling to enjoy comedy at the LPAC or drinks at the Tower Bar, etc. I chose this space because it is symbolic, it helps people reach one destination from the other. We trust that it will not fall and collapse and we never stop think how important they are. Bridges are symbolic in the emotional aspects of our lives also often being  quoted in ways that express anger, hope, desperation and moving on.

“Build a bridge and get the f**** over it”

“I hope we can move on and build bridges between us”

“I’m done. I’ve burnt my bridges with you” 

“Bridge over troubled water”

I decided to have a look at different types of bridges around Lincoln, see what they do for people on a practical level and explore other potential space. I know my performance will be taking place on a specific bridge however I would like to explore and see if there is a better space for me to perform on. “Autobiographical performances that are site specific, double the dynamic of the real subject/performed character with the audience embodied experience of a particular geography that is likewise both real and performed” (Stephenson 2010, p.336).

These bridges are all architecturally individual in both appearance and construction, however Uni campus bridge fits best with regards to space, audience, location and duration of piece. I have received permission off the University’s Student Union and Health and Safety manager (Garry and Colin) to purchase some glass pens/chinographic pencils and write on the glass panels of the bridge. The writing will consist of life quotes, sprawled along, not in linear order or pretty pattern. I want to do this because it creates a striking image and symbolically represents  our ‘bridge of life’ consisting of literal life quotes scrawled upon it. I will interact only slightly with the writing by smearing my hand across them in disgust, but I hope that the audience see’s my intentions. The life quotes follow you through your journey over a bridge, leaving one thing in search of another. What I find ironic about my choice of structure and narrative is, I live by life quotes. I like to live my life referring to them and will also cite them when talking or giving guidance to my friends. I am going to enjoy the fact that I turn them on their head and think negatively about them, I don’t want quotes to become a sort of religious bible people have to abide by where they preach to others in my performance, I want to show that those positive quotes can become negative and that major life events can influence your decision to believe in them. However, this is how I live my life and this distinguishes the difference between myself and ‘Shannon the performer’. I appreciate that Solo Performance allows such a dynamic and ambigous narrative of events.

 

WORKS CITED:

Stephenson, Jenn (2010) ‘Review of Deidre Heddon ‘Autobiography and Performance’ in Theatre Survey, Vol 51, pp:335-337.

‘First find a subject that you are passionate about’ is still the best piece of advice for any would be solo performer’ – Gareth Armstrong.

Shannon Turnbull

The sticks and stones of a performance.

I would be lying if I said that Solo Performance isn’t challenging. I would be lying if I said I hadn’t struggled to conceive and find various ways of executing an idea. But I would also be lying if I said that I hadn’t learnt anything, hadn’t felt it exhilarating to push myself and hadn’t enjoyed how ambiguous ‘performance art’ really is.

Nothing is 100% set in stone just yet but here are some details about my upcoming performance.

Name of performance: The little girl with her red balloons (there is always hope)

Duration of performance: Between 8-10 minutes.

Location of performance: On the University campus bridge between Engine Shed and The Library

Stimulus and style of performance: Banksy’s street art of the little girl and her red balloon. Autobiographical style with general references.

 

Details/what is happening within the performance:

Over the next few days I will be plastering this Banksy  image around Uni campus. I want to do this because it may subtly stay in people’s conscious and maybe reminded of it if they see me performing on the bridge next week. They may make the connection between ‘those’ pictures they had been seeing on their way to lectures, with this real life ‘little girl and her red balloons’. By making the image resound in people’s heads who are not necessarily coming to watch my performance is something I find interesting. When I see powerful images, I think about them for a while and then they leave. It’s the way life works. You have something and then in time, it leaves. Maybe in a way, I want to recreate a similar reception to the image Banksy did when he first started graffiting it around Bristol.

The performance will start with my audience on the bridge facing towards the LPAC. The bridge is site specific in the way that it is seen as ‘a bridge of life’.. letting go of something only to start another journey across the bridge. The bridge will (hopefully, if I get permission from the SU) be covered in clique life quotes that some people seem to live their lives by. The juxtaposed reality from the dream many people live and the fact that it is the hard emotional trauma’s in life that make you grow as a person and not the life quotes that help you ‘get by’. I will be based in the LPAC with 30 red balloons. These balloons will represent emotions/memories/experiences/myself as a performer and as Shannon.. throughout the performance I will be letting these go in various ways, for different reasons.

As I run to the bridge, I turn when confronted by my audience and face the LPAC. To me, this building has given me laughs, confidence, potential, stress, depression, emotional anxiety and I want to show it what I am now, show what it has done to me, for good and for worse. Shouting at the building if it were a person, purging my emotions not just as Shannon Turnbull but as a typical Drama student in LSPA, a typical student of Lincoln, a typical student at university. I will then let some balloons go, I am unsure of how just yet but I feel that raw emotion will take over and influence what I will do next.

After facing that side of my life, I will take the audience to the other side of the bridge.. the side of the bridge that looks down into the water. I will leave them there and go round the barriers to just sit on the side, staring at the water. Staring at everything that could have been. I will still have the balloons and I feel that this position of leaving the audience and being solitary overlooking deep water contemplating if life would be the same if you were alive or not is powerful and quite challenging? I will draw upon personal experiences but I will also make the conscious effort to not make it a resounding project about me, myself and I. It will generalise and I will ask rhetorical questions to the audience. This may make them feel sympathy for me, this may make them feel uncomfortable as it will remind them of a part of their life they want to forget or it may not affect them at all. This shows that not everyone is the same and that many things can affect different people, in extremely different ways. There will be some references to my own family and my own experiences that I don’t want to push onto other people to believe. This are my views, no one else’s.

I will then turn and face the side of the bridge that holds the striking picture of the cathedral. Here I will recount happy memories of life, constantly referencing quotes appropriate for each story. This is where I will be graduating. This is where I will leave a little part of my heart in Lincoln. This is where life begins. Again, I will expose personal memories and use this as a main narrative however inside-jokes will not dominate as I would like my audience to be active not necessarily passive.

I am still unsure on how to end this piece but I feel my emotion will carry me to this point. This doesn’t mean I will improvise but a lot of my stories and intentions are built up on my emotion and as pointed out in previous blog posts, my mood always dictates what I will end up doing. However I will end on this quote, ‘there is always hope’ – even though I will have been using these life quotations and dismissing them throughout my narrative, I will end on one. Maybe they do help people get through, maybe they have to be said by someone who truly knows what its like to lose something accidentally and unintentionally.. or by someone who has gained something. By  letting all of your personal balloons go, gaining a sense of identity and clarity you are left with one little balloon, the balloon signifying who you are now and what you want to become.

 

Long time, no blog!

Shannon Turnbull

Apologies for not blogging in a while, things have been a little turbulent on the Solo Performance front. After going back to the drawing board, it became very difficult to search for new ideas. I wanted to take my work towards non-autobiographical material but was otherwise advised to stay with myself, my thoughts and my experiences. I therefore felt it necessary to look for things that attracted me rather than waiting for something to happen. I mean I already have my past life experiences but I needed a concrete stage for conveying them.

I started to look at videos and images that I may feel a connection too. I wanted to take my performance from stimulus material, use that as an influence and perform in my own way. I came across the English artist Banksy and started to look at his politically driven graffiti sprawled across the streets of Bristol. His work intrigued me as his images created a subtext, a truth and a striking image all in one picture. Banksy has dealt with an array of political and social issues including anti-war, anti-capitalism, poverty, alienation, hypocrisy and despair. These images fascinated me and although not a Solo Performance in itself, this art would stem from something he felt passionate about.

This one was one of my favourites! Just a normal maid employed by the high class elite people, just sweeping things under the carpet.. just like in reality!
This one was one of my favourites! A normal maid employed by the high class elite people, sweeping things under the carpet.. a true reflection of society!
This picture struck me hard as it shows the difference in the world. A starving young child holding hands with two famous consumer products. Disneyland and Macdonalds..
This picture struck me hard as it shows the difference in the world. A starving young child holding hands with two famous consumer products. Disneyland and Macdonalds..
I love this as it shows that homosexuality is natural and it doesn't matter who you are or what profession you are in. Being men of the law doesn't matter as you are a human first and foremost.
I love this as it shows that homosexuality is natural and it doesn’t matter who you are or what profession you are in. Being men of the law doesn’t matter as you are a human first and foremost.
Shopping till you drop, the fact that the world is in poverty and we are becomes passive consumers, doesn't stop the ignorant people who contribute to it.
Shopping till you drop, the fact that the world is in poverty and we are passive consumers, doesn’t stop the ignorant people who contribute to it.

The one picture that stood out most for me was one of a young girl, dressed head to toe in black and white reaching out/letting go of a red balloon. I felt a connection to this young girl and wanted to explore why.. I took the picture along with me to class and asked my fellow students what they thought when confronted with it. I got mixed reactions but all felt connected in some way. Some said that the image was metaphorical for loss whilst others said it was for gain. I decided to draw upon my own conclusions and use this as a stimulus for my performance.

There is always hope.
There is always hope.

My perception of this image was of a small timid girl in a world of confusion losing something that was dear to her. This struck me in my personal life as I have experienced loss of a huge amount. From family members to love, to losing myself and losing what I felt was right. This little girl had lost her balloon and I felt like she would do everything in her power to get it back. However I also felt a strong sense of freedom, contentment and happiness. She wasn’t losing her balloon, she let it go. She decided that she didn’t need it anymore and wanted someone else to experience what fun she had. Letting go was something I wanted to look at in my performances especially from an autobiographical perspective. I had gained something in my life that has made me who I am and ‘there is always hope’ stood out for me. No matter what way you would look at this image, to me happiness is there. Whether you let go of something or it flies away without you approval, it has happened and even though there is no way of getting it back.. there is always hope!

 

WORKS CITED:

All images from Google Images. Online:https://www.google.co.uk/search?hl=en&q=banksy+art&biw=1366&bih=624&bav=on.2,or.r_qf.&um=1&ie=UTF-8&tbm=isch&source=og&sa=N&tab=wi&ei=-WR-UYH_KcST0AWA8YDQAg#imgrc=_ (accessed: 29th April 2013).

‘We have all the better guide in ourselves, if we would attend to it, than any other person can be’ – Jane Austen

Shannon Turnbull

‘The Archive of My Life’

I have summarised my ideas and noted my intentions for both myself and audience and have concluded a feasible and emotive performance. Drawing on my ‘up and down’ persona I will delve into my life and experiences prompted by home videos and specific objects.

The performance will start as soon as people walk into the studio, they will be asked to walk around ‘the exhibition of my life’ – there will be objects ranging from clothes, videos, baby photo’s, teddies, phones, medals etc that I have acquired in my life, all of whom mean something to me. There will be place cards next to the items stating WHAT IT IS, WHEN DID I USE/MAKE/CONDUCT THIS AND WHY IT IS SENTIMENTAL TO ME? Whilst the audience is walking around being informed of those parts of my life, a silent home video from when I was younger will play in the background on a projection. The spectators will watch this but not be able to hear the audio, they will think nothing of it and continue to look around the exhibition. I will be placed in darkness surrounded by barriers in the middle of the floor. I wanted to use physical props to create a sense of claustrophobia, people will look but as I will be motionless their attention will be drawn to other aspects in the studio.

I would then like a blackout as people are walking round and then the home video to start playing with sound. They will be drawn to that and watch the repeat but with audio. When that has finished, I want a spotlight shone onto myself surrounded by these barriers, starting my monologue with “Do you ever feel like you’re life is an exhibition?” – a scripted/improvised monologue will then follow. I am going to perform partially improvised because that captures the crux of my performance. As previously explained, I have a very up and down personality and because that mood changes very quickly and becomes controlling, myself and Martin have agreed that I will perform how I want and what I feel like on that day.

This isn’t set in stone as of yet but I would then like to choose 3 or more objects in that exhibition to interact with and comprise a short story about. I am still unsure as to what I want the audience to feel and to what outcome I want to achieve, however exhibiting my life including the bad parts is a big step for a Solo Performance and hopefully my monologue with be both emotional, exhilarating and humorous.